by Mark Powell
DISAPPOINTMENT
The British author, Thomas Hardy, once said: “The sudden
disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate
fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.” Or, as I
would put it: To be disappointed is to feel the brunt of
being human, for we know that as long as life is in us so
is disappointment.
This is abundantly clear, and needs no offerings of proof,
but we are still somehow surprised when disappointment
presents its sting to our soul. We wonder, “How this could
happen to us, after all, we’re the exception that proves
the rule, aren’t we?” And we think: “Misfortune falls on
others, but surely we’ll be the ones who get away?” But
then, down deep, we know this is not really possible, at
least we know it in mind if not in heart.
And when you begin to think this through it is amazing just
how much there is to disappoint us. Dreams die and so does
the body. Circumstances rarely measure expectations, and
don’t even get me started on people. People will disappoint
us at almost at every turn. People let us down, walk away,
say one thing and do another, and when it all said and
done, they even die!
I suppose the people who disappoint us the most are those
in whom we invest the most time, for there our expectations
often grow deep and wide. As a pastor for thirty years I
have, sadly, felt both the sting of disappointment and I
have been a disappointment to others.
Besides the angst and the sorrow found in disappointment,
what is also important to remember is that these
experiences can weigh so heavy on us that we finally decide
never to open ourselves to the world again. “That’ll never
happen to me again,” we claim, a statement when said in any
form betrays the deepest cost of disappointment: a bitter
spirit.
How well I can remember my bitterness when our son died as
a full-term still-birth. So bitter was my disappointment
that I determined this would never happen to us again. So,
Charlotte and I have no other children. Too late I learned
that the cost bitterness can be extremely steep.
So how should we deal with disappointment in healthy ways?
Maya Frost offers this four insights that may prove
helpful:
1. Scan Your Body: How has the disappointment touched you
physically?
2. Scan Your Mind: How has the disappointment touched you
mentally?
3. Separate: Whenever we are disappointed our past hurt
tend to surface as well.
4. Float: Dwell on the forward possibilities of the world
around you.
I would come at this from a different direction and offer
this idea: PRAYER. Prayer in the midst of disappointment
may be the most difficult activity we can accomplish, and
the most important. The very act of prayer is the movement
of faith that can bring healing and hope. Prayer will
engage the mind to the possibilities of life beyond the
disappointment, and will offer faith to God, who is Himself
the Spirit of Hope, and is the one who can bring the
healing of “trying again” to our lives.